This Superstore receipt tells it all. Even the fact that it's a Real Canadian Superstore receipt instead of the Duncan Garage says enough. But here's what's on it:
1/2 pound of bulk mini-chocolate eggs, two and a half pounds) of Doritos/Cheetos snack mix, tortillas, juice, 2 pounds of no-name-brand chocolate chips, and a dozen half-price hamburger buns.
Blame it on my yoga instructor. I was hungry, lonely, and totally wiped out from 90 minutes of doing things a body isn't really meant to anywhere, let alone in a very hot room. Then she not only offered me an easter egg, but told me where to get them in bulk. All noble thoughts of supporting our amazing local Community Farm Store were gone faster than you can say Cadbury Easter Cream Eggs.
What is it about my wife being away that makes these lapses in consciousness, integrity and basic good taste so tempting? I don't eat local and organic and fair trade to impress her - they really are my own rules. But somehow time alone equates to a glorious orgy of lack of accountability.
Unless I blog about it. Honestly, sharing this is more difficult and humiliating than my naked posts about bullying, sex, social insecurity, etc. I don't pretend to be perfect, and even deliberately publicize my chocolate addiction or bad movie choices just to make sure that no-one thinks I think I'm operating on a higher level. But late at night when I come to bed with cocoa-maplesyrup-yogurt-granola on my breath, I really hope Sarah doesn't notice. It's one thing to let myself down, but to betray our entire family's code is much bigger and harder to own up to.
Character is what you do when no-one's watching. Probably the scariest quote I ever saved, and one I do try to live up to. This first week on my own I've been incredibly disciplined, eating mostly healthy homemade food, balancing computer work with gardening bliss, enjoying just a few too many sitcom reruns but still getting through the ambitious task list that I deeply want to be done with. If this $22.60 investment in the Real Canadian Superstore is my one big flame-out, I reckon the world will keep turning.
Oh, the other thing I was too embarrassed to fess up to was the movie I watched last week. If you must know, it was Ten - put into my head by my numerology visitor, but once Bo Derek's cornrows (among other notable assets) are in a man's head they just have to be exorcised.
Enough about embarrassing myself by living down to my expectations. Tomorrow I'll return to Walden; tonight's all about me and a quarter pound of Frito's and Fight Club. Show starts in 10 minutes so come on over if you're bored - you know there's enough junk food to last the night.
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